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Welcome to my Brainy Lady blog! This is where I get to take off the doctor’s coat (it's not mine--yet), tie it around my waist and share autism tips, surprising brain science, funny personal stories and painful doctorate program homework complaints… okay, maybe I'll avoid that last one. Regardless, I hope to offer insights and invite the same while enjoying a cup of coffee with the autism, neuroscience, psycophysiology, parenting, spiritual, thinking, comedic, curious community! If that leaves you out, I'm sorry and suggest you try on one of the many hats. One is bound to fit!

Prison Tour Teaching

When my children were young (eight kids aged 19-9) and my grandson was a newborn I took the entire family (plus a sound man) on a magical mystery tour of the penal system in North America. At that time four of my six adopted children were autistic.

Now you may think that traveling through Canada and the United States entertaining in prisons, jails and half way houses is a peculiar choice for a mom to make but then I am a bit peculiar, so I guess that makes it, in a peculiar sort of way. At the time I needed to create a more bonded family unit (Two of the adopted six were new arrivals — teenagers with biological families tugging at their sense of loyalty.) while still making a living in order to feed and cloth the brood that barely knew each other. I also needed to put some adventurous new thing in every single day in order to stimulate interest in external reality and encourage mental flexibility in my autistic sons (This was my own idea and counter to everything I was being taught but seemed peculiarlarly logical to me. And since three of the four autistic kids eventually came off the spectrum maybe peculiar logic is the answer to autism.).

I was looking around for ideas when I noticed that my teenagers had become enamored of the idea that they might be “bad girls’ destined to write books while serving time in solitary confinement. (It was a period when movies were romanticizing prison, my children were not outside the influence of Hollywood.). Knowing that a captive audience was a good thing for me I decided to hone my family’s performance skills by creating a show and then donating our time while traveling from correctional facility to correctional facility. I made the bookings. Since it was costing them nothing they were happy to have us.

I wrote, directed, produced and starred in the play whose inflated intention it was to save prisoners lives by teaching them that you can always make something good out of something bad. I also wrote, produced and sang on a CD in order to have product to sell. We would need gas (hence we often convinced truckers at truck stops that they couldn’t live without my music) and money for hotel fees and groceries. I would use my credit card for the hotels and packed up the CD’s for everything else. Away we went.

This story deserves to be a book, perhaps it will be someday but for now I want to share some highlights:

We were robbed of our sound equipment in New York.

We were late to Sing Sing and almost caused a riot.

We were taped for National TV in Stony Mountain.

We broke down in Houston missed our show in Dallas.

No Dallas meant no CD sales so our sound man left.

We were saved by truckers in New Mexico.

We were stars in Phoenix.

We were robbed once more, this time in Vegas.

We did our last American shows without shoes.

We were redressed in Calgary.

On the final leg home — after four months of travel – all the children were sleeping in the back of the van. I was driving down the highway in Northern Ontario when the sky lit up with a beautiful display of Aurora Borealis. Everything danced in muted greens, golds, pinks and yellows.

I pulled over on the side of the road and crawled onto the roof of my vehicle to watch. It was as if the universe were setting off spiritual fireworks in celebration of our return. I was breathless with awe and happy to be appreciated. One by one the kids woke up and joined me. Our own personal sky dance went on for hours. We watched until well after sunrise.

As we did this we were mostly silent and worn out with wonder. Then, as the sun began to glow and drown out the Northern Lights, conversation poured from us in unison. Even the autistic kids shared, in their own peculiar fashion. We were verbally tumbling over each other transported by the joy of all that we had survived and become privy to, each of us was excited to add our own personal vision to the pot of personal epiphanies.

It was then that I finally heard it: a bonded family composed of rag tags and misfits, happy to be alive.

Welcome to my Brainy Lady blog! This is where I get to take off the doctor’s coat (it's not mine--yet), tie it around my waist and share autism tips, surprising brain science, funny personal stories and painful doctorate program homework complaints… okay, maybe I'll avoid that last one. Regardless, I hope to offer insights and invite the same while enjoying a cup of coffee with the autism, neuroscience, psycophysiology, parenting, spiritual, thinking, comedic, curious community! If that leaves you out, I'm sorry and suggest you try on one of the many hats. One is bound to fit!

Empathy is for the Healthy

Have you ever been about to throw up, or about to wet yourself because you were stuck in a traffic jam, or needed to rip your clothes off and jump in a cold shower because you were having a heat flush? When that was happening did you find yourself unconcerned about the needs of those around you? And if so did that mean you were lacking in empathy? Why of course!

You were lacking in empathy. In that moment, your focus was full. Of course once you emptied your bladder or your upper intestine or got out of the shower you became open to others again and your ability to empathize returned. But what if your focus was always full?

What if your every waking moment was spent handling one sensory assault after another or vestibular dysfunction or social challenge? What if every time you looked at someone you were asked to do something that indicated you cared about them? How would you deal with that if your focus was already full trying to keep the edges of furniture from wiggling when you walked? Would you avoid making eye contact? If that were the case you just might be labeled autistic.

According to science though the brain is a great multi-tasker it can only consciously focus on one thing at a time. Thus if you are having difficulty walking, or talking, or seeing with your eyes… if you are feeling ill, or tired, or crawling with bugs … if you are reading, or writing, or computing math … you are likely to be lacking in empathy. Empathy comes – only – when we focus on the person for whom we are to feel it. That is the power of movies. Gaining our focus, enhancing it through darkness, music, close-ups and silencing our cell phones. Even my adopted autistic kids could empathize at the movies, if they didn’t have to pee, or eat, or wear head phones to filter the

loud noises. Then as they healed (I use neurofeedback and specialize in helping autistic kids heal) they became less riddled with social confusion and sensory distress. And as they became less riddled with social confusion and sensory distress they empathized with anyone, who could hold their focus.

Once focusing on others had emerged well… After some practice with the uncomfortable emotions empathy can endow upon the empathizer, my children (and all the children I work with) became kind, helpful, just bought my mom tires for her car kinda kids. They not only began to express their concern and embrace empathy, they did it daily.

So back to the question ‘Do autistic people feel empathy?’ No probably not, when they are busy, which is most of the time. And neither do you.

But of course we can feel it. And so can they.

Global autism expert, Lynette Louise, raised eight children –six adopted, four of whom were on the spectrum of autism– she was able to guide all but one out of autism and into independence. Lynette travels internationally, performing and speaking on the subject of autism and the efficacy of neurofeedback (biofeedback for the brain). She is the author of the inspirational and honest new book MIRACLES ARE MADE: A Real Life Guide to Autism and host of the show A NEW SPIN ON AUTISM: ANSWERS!

Welcome to my Brainy Lady blog! This is where I get to take off the doctor’s coat (it's not mine--yet), tie it around my waist and share autism tips, surprising brain science, funny personal stories and painful doctorate program homework complaints… okay, maybe I'll avoid that last one. Regardless, I hope to offer insights and invite the same while enjoying a cup of coffee with the autism, neuroscience, psycophysiology, parenting, spiritual, thinking, comedic, curious community! If that leaves you out, I'm sorry and suggest you try on one of the many hats. One is bound to fit!

Jingle Bell Rock–and stim! Tips for enjoying the holidays with your whole family!

1 – Every child likes to shop – their way. If shopping has proved stressful you likely had an agenda. So when you take your kids shopping, take them shopping – not you. Do this for all your children–not just the autistic child. Admire their choices as you let them choose the gifts they want to buy. So what if they buy their sister a so jar of mustard? Maybe they think that is a good gift. Instead of simply redirecting them, try to understand why.

2- In other words give control – your children spend their days being ordered and shaped so let go on the holidays. Let them just be autistic (or fourteen) for a change.

3- When you plan outings give them a say (non-verbal kids can point or make noises to help guide you … most kids do better when they have a voice … even a non-verbal one) how long and where and who will they see…

4- Make the car your friend. It’s familiar and smells like family so if they need a space to pull themselves together in, use the car. It goes everywhere!

5- Eat in unison. This means that if they have a special diet either everyone picks their favorite foods and your ASD child feels happy with that or everyone eats the special diet. Way too often the difference in the diets drives the kids to tantrum.

6 – Give gifts that THEY want NOT toys the educational department approves of. For example, if your child loves baby pillows give him a refrigerator box full of them. If he wants that every year so be it. Those other toys come from our wishes not theirs. So those other toys are not gifts, they are lessons.

7 – Don’t invite problem people. Leave that for everyday life – that way holidays are a holiday – for all of you.

8 – When you do go to events, your children may have discomfort so let them bring a favorite sensory comfort toy (or if it’s a sibling bring a best friend).

9- Make a memory that they want, not that seems appropriate. Take pictures and paste them in a book that day… that way they have something to hold on to till the next time the rules evaporate J

10 – Put decorations like trees etc up the night before so you can dedicate the day to the holiday. Decorate together and find beauty in the child version of decorative … keep things low and edible (like popcorn strings for the trees and cookie ornaments) and have the siblings all pitch in to create and devour.

11 – Wrap gifts in fun stuff like comics and bubble wrap and toilet paper and streamers and pillow cases and bags that you decorate and then wear on your heads …

12 – Avoid blinking lights that mesmerize and singing toys that surprise unless the child has indicated happiness for such things.

13 – Laugh, play, make a mess and do holidays the autistic way… after all, Xmas is for kids.

Remember, you can’t teach a child to relax and enjoy family unless you do. Happy Holidays!